American Revolution 2.0 has received exclusive information that Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner will be making an announcement in the next few days that he has found a way to balance the federal budget for the current fiscal year. Unnamed sources have supplied us with a copy of the following letter that was mailed today to the Old North Church in Boston:
Mr. Timothy F. Geithner
United States Treasury Building
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D. C. 20220
The Reverend Stephen T. Ayres, Vicar
Christ Church of Boston
a.k.a. Old North Church
193 Salem Street
Boston, Massachusetts 02115
April 18, 2011
RE: Tax Exempt Status Revocation
Dear Reverend Ayres,
I am writing to inform you that one of our dedicated IRS employees recently came across your very professional internet site (www.oldnorth.com), which prominently displays the phrase, “One if by land, two if by sea,” from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s poem, “Paul Revere’s Ride”. An IRS investigation has determined that on April 18, 1775, 236 years ago today, the church sexton, Robert John Newman, hung lanterns in the church tower to inform Mr. Revere that the British troops were arriving by sea.
It is a very moving story, Reverend, and your church is to be commended for its patriotic involvement in our country’s quest for liberty. Unfortunately, as I’m sure you are aware, churches are prohibited from involvement in political activity. Any such activity is grounds for revoking a church’s tax exempt status as a 501 (c) 3 organization.
It is my duty to inform you that your church’s tax exempt status is being revoked. And in light of the flagrant manner in which your internet site flaunts your defiance of the separation of Church and State, it has been decided that the revocation will be retroactive to April 18, 1775.
You will shortly be receiving a visit from some of our staff to discuss the payment of the church’s back taxes, including penalties and interest. Although calculating taxes is not one of my strong points, I have done a rough calculation, and you can inform the members of your church board that your total tax liability should be something in the neighborhood of two trillion dollars.
You will of course have the right to appeal our ruling, but please be aware that we have the right to seize all church properties and assets prior to the results of any appeal you may decide to file.
Timothy F. Geithner,
Secretary of the Treasury